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[keepingshop]

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( IF YOU CAN PAY THE PRICE ... )

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[piercesshadows]

[A casual shrug as he leaned back to Kimihiro's left, soaking a small towel in the warm water before folding it and placing it above his head.]

We both did.

[An insistence that came with his way of prioritizing Kimihiro's wellbeing and happiness. Although -

He'd rotate his left shoulder, testing the stretch of his muscles. The initial invigoration he felt when he dipped into the water had steeped into a gradual sort of relaxation, like a rock tumbling down a gentle slope, and the steam seemed to slowly leech away the fatigue that had crept up on him from daily wear and tear.]

I didn't think being in a classroom could be this tiring.

[They were long past needing to pretend to each other, and he might have sounded a little put out - Kimihiro was right, he did need this. Doumeki, so assured at his own steadfastness and stamina, sometimes only realized his own exhaustion when he found himself in moments when he could actually unwind.]

[keepingshop]

[ Kimihiro snorts, cracking one eye open. ]

Alright. We. You don't always have to include me you know.

[ Even if it makes Kimihiro feel ...well he's not sure of the word actually. Special doesn't sound right. Neither does loved. Though these are both inherently true of Shizuka's way towards him. He wants a different word, a more correct word. It makes him feel...oh. Well: real. Closing both eyes again, he sighs. ]

You're responsible for people who aren't children and aren't really adults yet either. That sounds more tiring than most things I can think of.

[ Yet his tone is inescapably fond. Kimihiro loves people and it's one of his more favored pastimes to try to 'know' all of Shizuka's students through the papers he grades and the anecdotes he tells however few they might be or however weedling Kimihiro might stoop to being in order to hear them from him. Then again, it's not as if Shizuka isn't forthcoming when Kimihiro wants something from him; maybe it's better to say, even if Kimihiro needs to start the conversation rolling (never a problem), it's enjoyable. And it's warm. More than anything Kimihiro loves those who haven't stopped being formed by their own hands. Maybe it's a bit of yearning he won't let become envy since his status is his own making. Maybe it's also protectiveness, that they hold onto that agency as long as they can.

With Shizuka, he knows he's bound him in some ways that are very limiting and sometimes it weighs on him.

For the moment though, he just feels a deep, almost embarrassingly ardent kind of love. He keeps his eyes firmly shut. ]

[piercesshadows]

And if I want to?

[The look he gave Kimihiro was one well-worn. Fond. Patient. As a private individual, it wasn't as if Doumeki didn't know how to manage his boundaries, but more to the point - there were plenty of things he'd willingly include Kimihiro in, partly in an effort to get Kimihiro to experience a little more of the world, and mostly because he loved him.

Being reminded of how old his students were was, well. Doumeki pinched the bridge of his nose and rested the back of his head on the ledge, closing his eyes. It wasn't as if he didn't care about them in his own way - something Kimihiro likely had long picked up on in between plenty of anecdotes told and retold, of his students visiting his office sometimes a year or two after they graduated - but.]

Ultimately, they'll have to figure it out for themselves.

[Not every student was as open, and not everyone liked him - in the way they would've probably gotten along with Kimihiro, at least. Not everyone took one of his classes - an introductory course - out of genuine interest, either. All these didn't bother him, though he had to always balance his lesson plans and assignments around such things.

If he glanced up again, would he still catch Kimihiro's expression? Because that was the kind of face that would compel him to lean forward for a kiss.]

[keepingshop]

[ Kimihiro's blush is easily blamed on the heat of the hot spring, which he will do unrepentantly. But the slight tip of his head as if trying to not show that he might smile is a giveaway enough, and it's that barely restrained smile that Shizuka kisses. As it's easy for Kimihiro to blame things on other things not the cause at all, it is equally if not easier to reach his pale fingered hand -- pinked at the fingertips too the way all his extremities get, as well as his knees, his neck -- into Shizuka's hair to encourage him. ]

I guess that's okay.

[ Obviously talking about inclusion of himself, though it's also okay that his students must find their own paths because that's just the nature of things isn't it. This is also the nature of things: the way their noses bump, the sort of trickling laugh that tickles its way up through Kimihiro because it's always surprising him how light he feels sometimes with Shizuka, how bright and almost alarmingly good. In his worse hours, he berates himself; they could have had this sooner perhaps if he'd not been the way Watanuki Kimihiro almost patently was years ago, like if he wasn't that way then he'd fall apart entirely. His eyes smile and his mouth smiles and when he leans in to kiss him a second time, it makes him dizzier because of the heat but they've reached a point in their life together where it feels too much like tempting fate to pretend he could kiss him later. Granted, Kimihiro can't always implement that logic; when he's feeling especially weighed upon by a wish that opens up his guilt for other things, he'll sort of linger within the Shop until Shizuka brings him home and he knows those nights Shizuka deserves better. And Kimihiro is too selfish to turn him away.

But Himawari once told him in that sunflower voice of hers, that lightness that didn't lie but carefully shrouded her weights and burdens so as not to trouble others, "When you're selfish, Watanuki-kun, it makes me a little happy. I don't think you realize how much we love you." And unspoken he'd heard it too anyway: how much we want to, if you'd let us.

Always his heart squeezes, his chest hurts when he thinks of Himawari but it's a hurt he's grateful for. Better to have her in his life some than not at all. And...

Shizuka.

He ends up having to lean his forehead to Shizuka's shoulder, blinking rapidly. But it's not unpleasant, the cloudiness of the heat and their almost too fortuitous privacy. ]

[piercesshadows]

[Flushed skin because of the warm water and steam. Sure. Why not. And maybe that, too, was the cause of that restrained smile and succeeding laughter, something about addled brains and using the heat as a temporary substitute for nicotine smoke.]

Good.

['I guess,' a limited kind of certainty in the trappings of indecisiveness. The difference was more than just the splitting of hairs, shades of gray between extremities. Doumeki learned and continued to learn the growing nuances of Kimihiro's speech: these were invisible rules they dwelt with, annoying on occasion, yet intriguing for the most part. Admittedly, of course, he'd rather that these puzzles had the same enjoyment of unraveling Kimihiro's obi on evenings, instead of the very real weight that necessitated their use.

Such was the way of those things.

The hand he placed on Kimihiro's temple as he drew his partner close was protective and welcoming, and he rested his cheek on that damp head of hair, content.]

[keepingshop]

[ they rest like that a while, and maybe it would appear strange to anyone who came out to see them as such now, but no one comes. kimihiro is wordlessly grateful. for someone who spends almost all his private time with shizuka, he finds it's different like this. how much of it is being away from the shop and how much of it is just the fact that shizuka took all this time to make such a thing happen, he's not sure. there is yet a third aspect to it too that he cannot articulate aloud or even in his own head; just that it's different and he finds himself reveling in it even if it's selfish for him to do so.

shizuka with his cheek against his head is almost achingly affectionate. it almost feels like a secret.

he doesn't know why.

maybe because his own life is a secret? or maybe because it sometimes still feels perilous to acknowledge they have what they have at all, for fear that it will be thieved out from under them like a good dream that is still only a dream.

when he raises his head finally he does it so he doesn't collide awkwardly with shizuka, and angles up just slightly to press a kiss to the corner of his jaw, thinking those rare, rare words.

i love you.

he really does. ]

[piercesshadows]

[He hummed, a low, content rumble from the back of his throat, and worked his fingers up Kimihiro's damp scalp. Jaw still tingling from the kiss, he reached to clasp Kimihiro's sharp chin between his fingers, tipping his head to look into eyes of blue and gold.

There were times when their love for each other needed to be said: rare instances, yes, but needed reminders after long, harrowing days or intensely joyful moments and, especially these days, neither of them were accustomed to loud, bold declarations.

But that was merely for the spoken word.

Actions, too, could be bold, and an illusion of privacy didn't make the hot spring they were in actually private. That didn't stop Doumeki from taking his time in studying Kimihiro's expression, from the wideness of his eyes to the parting of lips, the angular stroke of his cheeks from the swell of bone.

I love you, too, said within the kiss he left on Kimihiro's mouth and the safety he could give by holding Kimihiro. He didn't see Kimihiro as a secret, for all that he barely spoke about his private life to his colleagues, but the fear that, one day, they might be unwillingly parted - that was definitely real, and one that Doumeki defied with every kiss and night and morning spent with Kimihiro.

They were home like this with each other, for as long as they both willed, while their circumstances held.]

[keepingshop]

[ kimihiro lets shizuka do all the things he never thought he would let anyone do much less call his own. kimihiro lets shizuka look at him closer than anyone else ever will and kimihiro lets shizuka take his chin between his fingers these days not as a challenge unable to be backed down from but rather as an expression of mutual fondness: i like when you look at me.

the way that kimihiro kisses shizuka back is also fondness, is love, is like, is trust. he leans up into it the way shizuka always invites him, allowing himself to not be subdued by the fact of the public space, at least for a few moments. these moments are long enough that when they part, he's breathless, but it's a pleasant sort of gasping dizziness that rather than making him feel off-kilter, makes him feel alive.

not just existing. well and truly alive.

his head to shizuka's shoulder, his nose touches the line of his neck and he sighs. ]

I've gotten disrespectful in my old age.

[ a joke, in a sense. they're older not old. and it's not per se disrespectful in that they haven't done anything to warrant such a strong word, yet. but the wihmsy of it appealed to kimihiro when he said it, the trace edges of his shop facade mixing with his reality, the coyness of it that's ten times more affectionate in this frame than it would be any other. ]

[piercesshadows]

[Doumeki snorted, touching his cheek atop Kimihiro's hair, the damp strands tickling his cheek. This was comfortable, the weight of Kimihiro's head on his shoulder, breath cooling his steam-warmed skin.]

You've gotten more shameless, you mean.

[There were hints of humor and approval in his tone. Dry hair splitting, a fond reference to all the ways Kimihiro worried about propriety - perhaps too much in the past, like string wound up too much. All things must be in equal measure, and Doumeki appreciated Kimihiro's present fastidiousness: the attention to detail was still there, but not to the point of being, well. Unnecessarily loud.

Beyond the pool if either cared of them to look was the wide expanse of ocean, the rolling waves as tranquil as it could be above the currents of the deep.

Doumeki exhaled and looked at the spring's water in consideration. Sharing hot pot with Kimihiro seemed like a good way to cap the day - later, if not tomorrow.]

Who do you think will take offense?

[keepingshop]

Anyone would.

[So Kimihiro sniffs as he raises his head and lifts his chin slightly, that stuffiness from high school not wholly gotten out of him though some of it is just the habit of familiarity. He ruins it anyway by smiling again before turning his head to peer out at the sea and how the light plays its tones across its movements. He can almost feel them, the wherewithal of nature something wholly different than that of humans because of course it is; this ancient ever living thing that tides itself as it and the moon please. With a pang, it reminds him a little of Yuuko but that's just how it is with old and sort of lonely things for Kimihiro.

Everyone sees something different in the poignant powerful existences in the world, and for him, it's almost always the true shopkeeper.

Gently threading that thought not gone but tucked neatly away for now, slipping slightly apart from Shizuka to fully give his attention to the ocean and the shoreline so mesmerizing for how it made things disappear. This place was a good choice, and though Kimihiro thrums beneath his skin now more noticeably with the reverberation of certain old energies of the location, it's not unpleasant and it's not like the thing he encountered on the way -- also not unpleasant but certainly more complex. This just feels like a truth the way the sun is true and then with nightfall the moon. It just is.

With his back to Shizuka, it might be the most obvious weirdly, the sharp lines of his back and shoulders tense the way one wouldn't expect in the hot spring, locked in with an attention that's slightly singleminded.

He has not considered, weirdly for him, dinner, but hotpot isn't something he'll say no to at a place like this where it seems appropriate and comforting. For the moment however, he just stares out.

What was the sea before it was a sea? Are there any spirits old enough to know? And how much does it hurt?

Even at such a relaxing, generous getaway as Shizuka has painstakingly provided, Kimihiro feels sort of guilty because he cannot help but wonder these things. He used to even before his role, and now more and more. Not quite a bad habit but rather, an inevitability.

A part of him now.]